spiders

let's talk bugs, shall we? more specifically, let's talk about the gargantuan spider i killed IN MY HOME last night.
even now, i write this from what i will forever think of as the "contaminated zone", spray can of Raid by my elbow.
i got home last night from working a 14-hour day and sat at my computer, tiredly, doggedly, not thinking. just sitting. i'm catching up on emails, trying to figure out how to speak to new people via IM (a whole OTHER blog post, i'm sure), generally feeling a state of confusion, semi-calm (as in "i-can't-do-shit-about-it-so-i'll-leave-it-be), and exhaustion, when i notice something MOVE by my arm. . . by my COMPUTER. . . where I SIT. . . DAILY. i didnt think, i reacted, as we are all wont to do in situations such as these. i screamed, i jumped up and ran out of my apartment yelling "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!"
thankfully, marcia was just getting home from HER very long day and could be a witness to a 35-year-old woman lose her mind. i had SEEN what was crawling by my computer. where i SIT. DAILY. it looked to be a tarantula. i'm not kidding. it was HUGE. the biggest spider i'd seen in person.
and in running out of my apartment, screaming, i had LOST it IN my apartment. marcia, god bless her, came in to keep me company, but i was so preoccupied by the losing of the spider, i couldnt talk to her, PLUS i wanted her to witness this thing. i could BELIEVE it. just COULDNT. she left and i sporadically sprayed Raid anywhere i thought it MIGHT have gone, which means i Raided the SHIT out of all my computer wires and was thinking very carefully about spraying UNDER the computer, when i saw it AGAIN. it had migrated to just under my stove. . . and gone through my invisible barrier of Raid, if it's lurch was any indication.
i immediately started yelling at it "ahhhh HAAAAA! THERE you are! you thought you could run, but you CAN'T because i'm the QUEEN of raid! i KNEW i wouldnt lose you!" (really, this is what i do when i get nervous- i talk, ramble, make no sense to myself or anyone else).

the spider, of course, came AT me.

i ran again, Raid in hand, shoes on, doorway beckoning.

and then i saw it go towards my bedroom and i KNEW. i had to kill it immediately.

i wasnt going to sleep anyway, not if i lost that damn thing in my apartment. there is NO WAY i would have slept. and to have it going towards my BEDroom?!! are you KIDDING ME?!! i followed it, spraying Raid at it every step of the way, and holding the HUGE book at the ready. i shit-talked it too, saying things like "you can't get away! you're nothing! you'll never make it past the threshold to my room, cuz you're ugly and i dont LIKE you!" (yeah, i'm pretty mean, huh?). and then i slammed the book on it. thank GOD i didnt hear it crunch. i would have been done in.

i immediately hopped ONTO the book and sprayed Raid aaaaaaaaallllll the way around it.

i left it there for over an hour. i just went in every once in a while and looked at the book. i couldnt go near it, but i got worried it had SURVIVED, so i finally lifted the book and ran screaming again from the carcass.

then i took pictures. (i'll post them soon). it's gruesome, to say the least- like the true crime photos.

here's the thing, guys. it's been a year and i have the occasional millipede in my home and once, a cockroach and that's it. and i thought there WEREN'T any huge spiders here. and now the rose-tinted glasses are OFF. i know they are out there, ready to attack me, even while at my "safe place". . . .

you can BET i'll never type at this computer again easily. not in this spot.